From Fawn to Fun Hot-Bitch Mom in 90 Days

Lisa Loree - The Rebel Ballerina   (Image: DenaMeederPortraits.com)

 

I first heard of Complex PTSD through Pete Walker's book. Everyone's heard of fight or flight responses, or even freeze, but no one really knew of fawn until he coined that term. This was about three years after I had Marine crawled away from my 20-year marriage. Within that 3 year time, I had already done a lot of mind work, but I didn't know yet about the fawn trauma response until reading his book, and that was revolutionary for me.

I discovered the reason why I would be so timid to stay in a negative relationship for years of my life.  In my case, it was a marriage, for some it's a boss at a job or a partner in a business.  So, instead of standing up for myself, defending my soul and staying focused on my career that I had spent a lifetime developing, I learned that I had 'fawned' and over the years slowly let it all go so I could stay in what I believed was a financially secure and otherwise good environment.  I perceived that I was 'safer' while helping someone else fulfill their dreams and achieve their life's purpose, I must admit that at times it felt good.  The bottom line though is that I was wrongly, for me, neglecting my dreams, not pursuing my life's purpose and in hindsight now know that it was a very toxic environment for me.

Upon reflection I realized that staying in that harmfully negative relationship and agreeably giving up my personal 'priorities' really caused me to unconsciously and sometimes consciously question myself all throughout the 20 years of my marriage. Yet I did nothing. (Hint:  I should have listened to my emotions and my intuition more!)

Why would I do nothing? Well, the answers I got from Pete Walker's book have led the way on my journey.  My doing the work of self analysis and figuring out about how my fawn response protective strategies have effected me over the years since childhood was foundational in creating the awareness and contrast I needed to confidently create changes I wanted to make.   Then, I progressively stepped out into new thought environments that philosophically and energetically helped me re-assess MY life priorities.  I've been able to make changes in how I think and how I'm showing up in the world that are perfect for me now.  I don't see this growth as being selfish or self serving at all.  I see it as a responsibility to pursue the gifts I was blessed to receive when I was born.  I now see that pursuing my life's purpose is my greatest opportunity to contribute to the world.  I believe that if we don't use our gifts and work diligently to achieve our life's purpose we will leave the planet with important things left undone.  By using the methodologies and techniques I've now learned has helped me immensely to become better and experiece more joy over the last 10 years.  The future looks very bright indeed!

It was not just the people-pleasing, it was the giving of myself and not giving to myself or having people give to me. I was just surrounded by takers. I had to live up to expectations that were just insane, not what I wanted to live. So there were a lot of things that suddenly made sense when I read Pete Walker's book.  Because of this new perspective I could finally see very clearly what was actually going on in my life, accepting how toxic it was, and why. 

This new awarness, ability to objectively observe, and the resulting contrast I got from doing the work really helped me make phenominal changes in my life for the waaaaaay better!  I've been able to grow from Marine crawling away from a 20 year marriage and wanting to leave the planet to now being an author who is actively training to dance classical ballet again on stages around the world and helping other women to overcome their own life challenges through the coursework we're building at Rebel Fawn Mentoring.  For example, our Fun Hot-Bitch Mom Experience!  Wow!  How FUN is that?

The 9 Hidden Secrets of Transformation to Fun Hot-Bitch Mom

The very first step in my transformation was the Rebel Dream Refresh. That was an experience of discovering what I really wanted from life and taking a good bit of time to really contemplate that. I needed to decide what I wanted my life to look like if I could have anything and everything that I wanted, just how I wanted it, without any kind of limitation, no money limitation, no age limitation, no limitation. How do I want it to be?  How do I want to show up?

After that, I started in on the Rebel Mind Rewiring, which is what introduced me to the caustic playlist. I had to recognize what had been going on in my mind. There were all of these negative thoughts since childhood that came from every direction, parents, teachers, friends, society at large, even belief sets that were implanted in me, in us. But by the time we're adults, we start replaying that stuff not only in their voice, but in our own. So we've like digested it and made it our own and we believe it.

And that was a huge start to this whole transformation.

The Fawn Pattern Breakthrough was next. One challenge is recognizing, really understanding and accepting that the fawn pattern is not weakness. It's just a survival mechanism. Another thing that is difficult though, and probably the hardest, is having to go back and, in a sense, relive and remember situations throughout your childhood that caused you the heartache that put you into the fawn response to begin with. Because without bringing them out into the open and not being able to deal with them, they're still stuck festering in your subconscious and showing up as this pattern. So in order to transform away from the pattern, you have to be able to look at what these causes are.

Growing Some...Antlers

You know most people are familiar with the slang phrase "grow some balls" that's the street way of saying to get some courage, but you know, that's a little bit crass! Not that I'm not crass sometimes! But I just like the idea of Grow Some...Antlers because it's specific to being a fawn. And what do antlers do for a deer? They add an element of protection around them. So it's a kind of a "here's my space, don't come any closer" kind of thing. It's creating an edge, a barrier so to speak, but I like saying "edge".

This set of antlers is so important in the transformation process because the fawn has become accustomed to having little to no ability or confidence to stand up for themselves most of the time. It is really hard to stand up and assert what you actually need because, as a fawn, the fear is just so great. So we teach how to break through those fears and actually rehearse what it can be like to be in front of that person (or people) who we are fawning to.  We rehearse these scenarios in a safe environment to simulate the intentionally intimidating responses that invariably come and build the confidence needed to stand up and stay true to yourself throughout each ordeal.

It's so much easier to stand up for yourself when you have antlers.  It's having the right perspective, strategies and techniques at your disposal to disarm the taking, manipulating, and exploiting strategies they use.  You may recognize some or all of these yourself: They push back against your ideas, say no, gaslight you, belittle you, undermine or take away your voice so they can continue to get whatever it is that they want, and more.

And it's gonna be tough. We're not sugarcoating it, but we are helping people get prepared so that they can stand up for themselves and actually assert what they need, not by looking like a bully themselves, but by protecting their goodness.

From 10 Years to 90 Days

So basically what I've done is taken the 10 year journey and all of the information that I learned over the course of that time and distilled it into this 90-day program. However, the 90-day program basically takes the top three actions from each of those categories because there's a lot of things to do and to discover and it takes time. But to get things done in 90 days, we're using the top three in each of these 9 steps. And if someone does all of that work (27 actions), they are going to see some really amazing results.

We also offer a year-long program called The Fun Hot-Bitch Mom Life, where we go through all of the different steps and information that I've learned and dig in more deeply to exponentially improve your results . And so it just depends what you want. But, the 90-day program is a really good start to a very deep transformation, which then can easily then be extended into our year-long program. And then of course, you're stepping into your new Fun Hot-Bitch Mom Life with real skills, confidence, and benefits.

The Birth of the Fun Hot-Bitch Mom

Well, this is actually a fun story. I was at the gym one day, getting my mascara on after working out a bit. And this young gal, like in her late 20s, came up to me and said, "Excuse me, I just really wanted to talk to you for a second." And then she asked me, "Do you have a red convertible?" And I said, "Yes, I do!" And she said, "Well, I've seen you here a lot. I've seen you here working out. And then I saw you go get into your convertible. And I've also seen you driving around town." And then she said, "You know, you're a hot bitch!" And I just started laughing, because I thought that was such an interesting thing to say. And she totally meant it as a very high compliment.

Then she said, "And you know what? I wanted a convertible so I went and bought one because I've been watching you! And I thought, 'why wait'? This is what I want, so I'm going to go get it.'" And she did!

And that is how the term Fun Hot Bitch Mom was born.

And that's how I'm using it, because it really hit home to me that my life now can be an inspiration for others. And that makes me so happy to think that other people, just by observing even, (she'd never had a conversation with me before) but just by observing who I am being in the world, and all the difference that this transformation has made for me, is actually impacting other people. It's pretty astonishing and it brings me joy that I love to share!

How Relationships Change

I think there are basically four types of people that we deal with as our transformation takes hold.

There are people who are naturally going to fall away because they no longer fit your energy. They can't reside in your new high energy, your high energy of joy, appreciation, gratitude and love. So they'll just disappear.  Takers look for lower energy people to manipulate and exploit .  So, when you don't give them what they want anymore, even when they use love bombing that turns into intimidation and gaslighting, they'll probably just move on. At first they may object for a time and try to guilt you back into their control.  But, when you stay true to youself and start using your antlers to protect yourself like we teach and role-play in the course, well then they go find another 'supply' who will relinquish themselves for their benefit.

There are some that will have gone through your transfomation with you and they become close friends because you see how they demonstrate that they have been true blue all along.  Most likely, they are already high energy people too.  They celebrate and support your growth with you! 

These souls are keepers as real friends.

Then there is a whole array of people who start showing up, beautiful, high energy, supportive, encouraging people who truly love you for exactly who you are now and are becomming.  They believe in and actively support your dreams.  They help you achieve your life's purpose.  I've learned that I needed to step out into the world of unknowns on faith, which was hard for me because it felt intimidating at first.  And, naturally fawns are not good at facing intimidation!

Now I love the feelings of purpose and achievement these people are helping me experience.  It's feeding my confidence and expectation of more beautiful experiences and people to come into my life.

And then of course there are the ones in particular who are used to your fawn behavior. They are visibly, loudly and sometimes vigorously annoyed that they can't push you around anymore. And it can get ugly, eventually they go to find some other source of supply. But they're still there sometimes, not always, it just depends on the situation. After our training you'll see their pushback tactics in a new way.  And definitely see when they create all sorts of drama to try and keep you in their control.  It actually becomes predictable and entertaining after you understand the patterns.  They pull these antics because they're so conditioned and used to getting their way in whatever fashion they want.  Plus, they've learned that these tactics worked on the old you and are frustrated when they don't work any longer. But as the Rebel Fawn learns to use those antlers and stand her ground, she gains power in the relatioship and they start to just give up.

The Rebel Health Connection

Health being connected to breaking the fawn pattern specifically is the need to be in really good health so that you can actually live the dreams that you were intended to live from the beginning. You need to have the energy and the vitality to share with the world your unique purpose so that we all benefit from YOU achieving YOUR true purpose in the world. 

We love that you are investing in becomming who you need to be to accomplish your dreams!

And then of course there is the aspect that because the stress of being a fawn, daily living being oppressed and confused, and all of the things that we go through with these low energy people, we get sensitized to it all.  It becomes our 'normal' and it becomes how we see ourselves.  Thus, compounding the negative effects and binding us in even deeper as our self-image sinks lower and lower. 

We're chronically allowing them to gaslight, manipulate and exploit us every day.  As fawns we accept them doing all of those things that takers do directly to us constantly.  It's funny, or even sad, that we fawns voluntarily stay in these negative relationships.  The health reality is that over time 'sticking it out' produces so much stress that the body can and does often go into a disease mode.

Your body, (entity) essentially says, "Okay, well I'm filing for divorce because there's just too much stress and too much cortisol and too much inflammation because of all of fear, anxiety, and stress you're subjecting me to!  You've been served!"...and then you get sick, get cancer, get diabetes, or in my case seriously consider leaving the plant permanently.

There's a lot to it, of course. I'm simplifying, but it is as if with all of the fawning going on that you not only diminish and deteriorate as a person, but so does your body. It takes a huge hit because of all of that. So, in breaking through into Rebel Fawn behavior you can actually gain your health back because you will no longer be flooding your cells with cortizol every day, you will be making better food choices, you'll be teaching your body how to relax, applying proven wealth building principles of generational wealth for you and your kids, as well as surrounding yourself with a community of supportive and helpful people to learn from and eventually support too.  As fawns we love to give, this never goes away.  Rebel Fawns love to give too but have learned to do it from love instead of from fear.

But there's also an aspect to this particular subject that we cover, and that is just health in general and how the greatest portion of the population is on a very, very wrong path that leads to chronic diseases like diabetes, heart disease, lupis, alzheimers and more. We go over what I've learned about this particular element. In my upcoming book, the chapter is called The Big Fat Lie About Fat. There's a lot to this. So being healthy, I mean, everybody knows that if you don't have your health, well, then you've got nothing. It's just so hard to live fully, vibrantly and independently if you don't have good health.  We've been lied to about our health in so many ways by so many people over the years.  I believe it's time to set the record straight and I'm sharing with you what I've learned that is giving me the amazing health that I am enjoying now.

A Real Transformation Story

I have a client who, like all of us fawns, was living a 'normal' life, thinking that they were working toward the future they always wanted. But, never quite achieving it. They didn't realize it but, it was because they were surrounded by the wrong people who were draining, depleting and stripping away the energy that should have been used for fulfilling their dreams and life purpose.  Instead they were having that energy sucked away by the takers, manipulators, and exploiters they had surrounded themselves with. 

Once they became aware of their fawning and got some perspective about how this creates many negative aspects hidden inside their life situation they had a breakthrough.  They finally saw how fawning was effecting their life.  It was only after this breakthrough did they make a conscious decision to change.  They committed to themselves to make the necessary adjustments.  They began to gain mastery of being a Rebel Fawn with training, mentoring, and a supportive community.  Over time they've become so much happier and more productive in life after completing the challenging work of making these changes. 

And it's the same story, actually, every time.

At a certain time there was a decision, and this particular person talks about this decision, the recognition of the fact that they created their life, and having to take responsibility for that, the good and the bad. That was challenging, but it was such a pivotal moment to look at that and say, I actually created this BS life of repeated failures of various kinds. And I had that exact same breakthrough moment, too. That was so important for me. It is such an enormous part of how I began my journey.   It's the exact same for this person as well.  By suddenly taking responsibility for the fact the we were unconsciously depending on that fawn response and then perpetuating it causing so many remarkable failures in our lives. 

At first it was pure anguish, then frustration, then it became amazing relief. 

Not that we were in fawn survival mode in the beginning, because as kids, you have no power, no choice, but as an adult, to recognize, oh, wait, I have been doing this TO myself, and this is why all this shit keeps happening in my life?  Well, now what are you going to do? Are you going to just sit there and mope?  Hell no!   I decided to Grow Some...Antlers!

This program helps fawns and others transform so that, like, now this one person is enjoying life and is actually fulfilling her purpose.  She is getting healthier, is filled with happiness, meeting energizing people instead of draining people, and now giving out of love.  Living life this way brings joy and energy, instead of despair and life draining drama. It's a pretty stark difference, and the funny thing is that you really can only see it once you've gone through some awareness training, and then you see the huge contrast and go, wow, what a difference.

The Joy of Rebel Fun

Well, the deepest components of the Rebel Mind Rewire and the Fawn Pattern Breakthrough, those things are so key and important, and that's why I start the program with those. But I'll tell you what, my favorite is Rebel Fun! That's what I like the most. The Rebel Fun.

You could also think of it as from Frumpy to Fabulous, because, especially most women, usually spend their lives people-pleasing and being told that they cannot do this or that because of some unwritten standard.  In effect some people don't want them to stand out and make them feel awkward or uncomfortable.  So, the fawn tends to comply, shrink away and become prey for takers, exploiters, and manipulators.  They typically wear either just jeans and a t-shirt or sweats and a t-shirt or yoga pants and a t-shirt and are blase and boring because that's what they've been incentivized to wear.  Most of their days they show up to others as 'normal' and non-descript in their dress and with their energy.  

But I truly believe that inside everyone there is a desire to be attractive and to want to have fun. I mean, that is part of the whole reason why we're here, is to deeply enjoy life. Of course that takes on many different flavors and colors and ways, and that's up to the individual. But we have been so oppressed and relegated to nothingness that to be able to bring fun back into life is truly the icing on the cake.

And it means to rediscover your own sense of identity, your own sense of style and fashion, and how you want to show up. How you present yourself is very telling about who you are. So when you have the confidence to step out fully decked out, earrings and the matching or complementing accessories with the really cool outfit, heels and the purse. Yeah, to show up feeling confident and attractive is fun.  Being really put together every day is worth the investment, there's something about having the confidence to be seen as uniquely me that is so fun and exciting. And it draws compliments for sure.

It also can draw a few bitch darts as well. But we learn how to deal with those and make those into accessories, too! But, the real thing is to just be able to enjoy life and have fun and to laugh and to have it come not from a place of, oh, my gosh, I really need to laugh because you're in despair, but have it come as bubbling over from the joy that you now live. And that's how you show up in the world, by how you feel inside and how you present yourself, it's so telling about who you are.  When accomplished the right way it's wonderfully apparent even without words. It's in contrast to showing up dull and hiding as fawns typically do.

It's how you are showing up!

Your Journey Starts Now

The 'Fun Hot-Bitch Mom Experience' is designed to accelerate your journey from fawn to Rebel Fawn to Fun Hot-Bitch Mom in just 90 days instead of the 10 years it took me. Through the 9 Hidden Secrets, from Rebel Dream Refresh to Rebel Fun, you'll discover what you truly want from life, rewire your mind away from negative thought patterns, break through your fawn response, grow your protective antlers, reclaim your health, and rediscover the joy of living powerfully.

Are you ready to stop giving yourself away to takers? Ready to stand up for yourself without fear? Ready to live the life you've always wanted but didn't have the courage (antlers) to pursue? Your transformation journey can begin today. And trust me, the view from the driver's seat of your own life (convertible optional but recommended) is absolutely worth it.