Building Your Rebel Circle, Re-Align Your Mind, Upgrade Your Tribe

I still remember the moment when I realized I'd lost myself completely. I wasn't just playing a role – I had become the role. As I marine-crawled away from my marriage, I watched supposed friends vanish or worse, side with my ex without ever asking for my side of the story. What hit hardest wasn't their betrayal – it was recognizing that not a single person in my life, not even my sister, knew the real me beneath my carefully constructed "happy game."

If you're a Fawn – a people-pleaser who can't say no, avoids giving strong opinions, and defers your life to others – this might sound painfully familiar. Your relationships might be slowly suffocating your authentic self, and you might not even realize it's happening.

What I've learned as a recovering Fawn and professional ballerina turned mentor is that the people surrounding you either accelerate your growth or actively prevent it. There's rarely any middle ground. The relationships you cultivate literally shape your reality, your self-perception, and ultimately, your destiny.

The Vampire Effect: How Toxic Relationships Drain Fawns

I had a neighbor who constantly complained about her husband and their finances. She regularly commented on how her house wasn't as nice as mine. I listened endlessly, even anonymously leaving groceries on her doorstep when things got tight for her family.

When my marriage collapsed and depression engulfed me, she and her husband immediately sided with my ex. She never once asked about my experience or offered support. After years of me showing up for her, she disappeared when I needed someone.

This wasn't just disappointing – it was a blinding revelation about the unequal friendship I'd cultivated. As Fawns, we unconsciously surround ourselves with energy vampires whose invisible cords remain attached even when we're not physically together. They're constantly sucking our life force, leaving us depleted and questioning our worth.

The emotional and psychological impact is devastating. In these environments, Fawns experience what I call "identity erosion" – the gradual wearing away of our authentic selves until we become hollow vessels for others' needs and expectations.

Sound dramatic? It's not. It's exactly what happened to me.

The Critical First Step: Recognizing Your Caustic Playlist

Before you can transform your outer circle, you must first recognize what's happening in your inner world. I call it the "caustic playlist" – the constant radio station of negative self-talk that's been broadcasting since childhood. I joke with my clients about tuning into radio station K-L-I-E  at 99.9 FM – the nonstop stream of lies playing in your head.

Most Fawns have no idea this playlist exists, or how loudly it's actually playing. These negative messages are the magnetic force attracting the very people who keep you oppressed and drained. The vampires in your life are just the external manifestation of your internal dialogue.

You can't fix what you don't recognize is broken. Understanding the origin of these messages – where they came from, how they got planted – is essential. Many were installed during childhood and reinforce the core Fawn belief: "I am only valuable when I'm serving others."

This realization hit me hard. I wasn't just making poor friendship choices – I was unconsciously seeking out relationships that confirmed my deepest insecurities. My caustic playlist told me I didn't deserve better, and I believed it.

Rebel Thinking: Changing Your Internal Playlist Station

Transforming your relationships doesn't start with finding new people. It starts with what I call "rebel thinking" – consciously changing the station from your caustic playlist to a supportive, encouraging one.

This isn't just about positive affirmations. It's about rewiring your brain's neurology through consistent pattern interruption. When I catch a negative thought from my old playlist, I immediately challenge it and replace it with evidence-based reality.

Here's what's remarkable: once you start changing your internal dialogue, the right people naturally start appearing in your life. You don't have to search for them. It's almost magical how this works, but it's actually quite logical – your energy shifts, your boundaries strengthen, and you naturally attract people who resonate with your authentic self rather than your people-pleasing persona.

As a rebel Fawn, I haven't abandoned my natural inclination to be helpful and kind. I've just become selective about who receives these gifts. I still "fawn," but I choose who I fawn with instead of distributing my energy indiscriminately out of fear or obligation.

Your Inner Circle: The Seven Essential Roles

As I rebuilt my life, I discovered that thriving requires specific types of support. I developed a framework of seven essential roles that every recovering Fawn needs in their inner circle. You might find one person who fills multiple roles, or several people who share a role. What matters is ensuring all bases are covered.

The Enthusiast

This person is your ardent supporter who believes in you unconditionally. They understand your dreams and don't care if the odds seem stacked against you – they're 100% behind you anyway. Sometimes they even push you to keep progressing when you'd rather give up.

My Enthusiast sees possibilities in me that I sometimes can't see myself. When I doubt my ability to build Rebel Fawn Mentoring into something significant, my Enthusiast reminds me of the unique value I bring and enthusiastically reinforces my vision when my own enthusiasm wanes.

The Ballast

Your Ballast is your stabilizer – the unshakable stake in the ground you can crawl to when everything feels chaotic. Their presence and perspective provide the stability that Fawns desperately need but often lack.

As Fawns, we unconsciously surround ourselves with instability and insecurity, yet our Fawn response compels us to keep seeking security through these unreliable connections. It's a vicious cycle that perpetuates until we consciously break it by finding true Ballasts who provide genuine stability.

The Matchstick

I love sharing the origin of this name. During my ballet days at the Joffrey School, my instructor Meredith Bayliss would occasionally light her cigarette lighter and hold it under our already-lifted leg to ensure we kept it high, building strength in the process. She'd chase us across the floor during our leaps with that lighter flickering beneath us – and guess what? I jumped higher than I ever thought possible.

Your Matchstick lights a fire under you when you need it most. They help you break through fears and push past perceived limitations. When you think you've got nothing left to give, your Matchstick shows you there's always another gear, another level you haven't accessed yet.

The Star Gazer (Possibilian)

These people draw out your dreams and support the very essence of your being. They help you become who you were always meant to be by encouraging you to expand beyond your current thinking.

Star Gazers reframe apparent failures as learning opportunities. They remind you that problems are actually doorways to growth, not roadblocks. When your dreams seem far-fetched, your Possibilian says, "Anything is possible – go for it!"

The Fireworks Master

This person demonstrates through their own life what's possible for you. They're living examples of the heights you aspire to reach, showing you how to sparkle and shine at increasingly higher levels.

Unlike mentors who simply instruct, Fireworks Masters inspire through demonstration. They've walked paths similar to yours and illuminate what's possible when you fully commit to your growth and authenticity.

The Citadel

Your Citadel provides strength, safety, and trustworthiness. They're your fortress when life gets stormy, offering protection without smothering your growth.

For Fawns, who often feel unsafe in the world due to past experiences, having a Citadel creates the secure foundation from which you can take risks and explore your authentic self without fear of abandonment or judgment.

The True-Blue Sage

This person provides honest feedback and accountability while celebrating your progress. They won't let you slip back into old patterns, but they also won't crush your spirit with harsh criticism.

Your True-Blue Sage loves you enough to tell you the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. For Fawns who've spent lifetimes avoiding conflict and hard truths, this relationship is transformative.

The Hard Choice: Letting Go to Move Forward

When I began establishing boundaries, I faced a crucial decision: Should I try to salvage relationships with people who were accustomed to my people-pleasing ways, or should I make a clean break and start fresh?

I chose the latter. As long as I held onto people who reinforced my old patterns, I remained stuck in my old mindset. The two go hand in hand – you can't change your thinking while surrounding yourself with people who benefit from your dysfunction.

This was perhaps the most difficult part of my journey. Walking away from familiar relationships, even toxic ones, triggers intense fear for Fawns. Our entire identity has been built around maintaining connections at all costs.

But here's what I discovered: letting go creates space for the right people to enter. Nature abhors a vacuum, and the universe seems to rush in with exactly the supportive connections you need once you create space for them.

Daily Practices for Maintaining Your Rebel Fawn Identity

Transforming from a people-pleasing Fawn to a confident Rebel Fawn isn't a one-time event – it's a daily practice. Here's what works for me:

Morning Meditation

I start each day with meditation to establish high-vibration energies like love, joy, appreciation, and gratitude. This creates an energetic foundation that I work to maintain throughout the day.

Energy Management

I consciously surround myself with people who maintain similar high energies. This creates a supportive field where we all benefit from each other's positive states instead of one person (usually the Fawn) carrying the emotional burden for everyone.

Playlist Switching

When I catch myself listening to the old caustic playlist, I immediately switch to my fun playlist of encouragement, support, and evidence of my value and success. This immediate redirection prevents me from getting stuck in negativity spirals.

These practices have allowed me to maintain my Rebel Fawn identity even in challenging situations. Just recently, I navigated two potentially triggering encounters with complete calm and confidence – something the old people-pleasing version of me could never have managed.

The Transformation Cycle: Mind First, People Follow

The most surprising discovery in my journey has been how the transformation cycle works. I initially thought I needed to find better people who would help me change my thinking. The reality was exactly opposite – I needed to change my thinking first, and then better people naturally appeared in my life.

When I began working with my first mentor who told me "you create your life," I was skeptical but curious. How could I have created such a mess? As I explored this concept through mentorship, my mindset gradually shifted. With each shift, new doors opened and higher-quality people entered my life, naturally filling the roles in my inner circle framework.

This isn't magical thinking – it's practical psychology. When you value yourself differently, you send different signals to the world. You attract people who resonate with your re-aligned self rather than those who exploit your people-pleasing tendencies.

The Energetic Difference Is Everything

The contrast between my old circle and my new supportive network couldn't be more dramatic. My former relationships literally sucked the life force out of me – they were vampires whose teeth went deep and whose invisible energetic cords drained me even when they weren't physically present.

My new inner circle radiates high energy and light. They uplift and encourage me. When I make mistakes, there's no heavy price to pay – just support to get back up and keep moving forward.

This energetic difference has profound psychological impacts. Instead of constant anxiety and depletion, I experience love, appreciation, and encouragement. I feel safe to be imperfect, to take risks, and to express my actual needs and desires.

Becoming Your Own Rebel Fawn

If you recognize yourself in my story, know that transformation is possible. You weren't born a Fawn – it's a survival response you developed to navigate challenging circumstances. You can unlearn it and develop new patterns that serve your true self and purpose.

Start by listening to your internal radio station. What messages keep playing? Where did they come from? Are they even true? Challenge the caustic playlist and begin creating your own empowering soundtrack.

Then look around at your relationships. Who consistently leaves you feeling drained? Who consistently lifts you up? Begin making conscious choices about where you invest your precious energy.

You don't have to change your kind, giving nature – that's likely one of your greatest strengths. You simply need to direct it toward those who appreciate and reciprocate it, rather than those who exploit it.

Life should be a wonderful experience. If it's not, you can and should create a life that fits who you truly are, supports who you want to become, and enables you to fulfill your purpose. By transforming your internal dialogue and surrounding yourself with the right people, you'll discover that being a Rebel Fawn isn't just liberating – it's the gateway to the beautiful, purposeful life you've always deserved.