Rebel Ballerina Unmasks The Fawn Response Trap

Lisa Loree - The Rebel Ballerina  (Image by: DenaMeederPortraits.com)

 

We've all been there. That moment when we realize we're not just dancing to the music - we're dancing to everyone else's tune. As a former professional ballerina I've turned rebel fawn mentor.  I've stumbled my way through the people-pleasing maze and actually emerged on the other side. Now, I'm here to help with your escape from the fawn response trap, with far better choreography!

The Fawn's First Position

Picture a ballerina, poised and perfect, every muscle working diligently to please the audience. That's the fawn response in a nutshell. It's not just a dance move - it's a survival strategy that's gone into overdrive.

I've seen it countless times, both in the studio and in life. The constant striving for perfection, the fear of doing the wrong step or a mistake in technique, the belief that my worth is measured by the applause I received. Sound familiar?

But here's the thing: while this response might have protected us as kids once, it's now keeping us trapped in a performance that never ends and it's not even our own show. It's only for the benefit of others, and the music has become screetchy and unnerving. But we just keep dancing 'cause that's what we're "supposed" to do, sometimes even while injured.

Spotting the Sneaky Steps of Fawning

Just like complex ballet choreography, the fawn response has its own set of intricate moves. Let's break them down:

1. The Gaslighting Gavotte: Others twist your reality, making you doubt your own perceptions. You find yourself thinking, "Maybe I am too sensitive" or "I must have misunderstood."

2. The Blameshifting Bourée: Suddenly, every misstep is your fault. You're apologizing for things you didn't even do.

3. The Commendation Cambré: Compliments become currency, and you're always in debt. You bend over backwards to earn that next bit of praise.

4. The Isolating Arabesque: You withdraw, convinced you're a burden. Your world shrinks to the size of a dressing room.

5. The Silent Sus-sous: Your voice fades to a whisper. You watch as others make decisions about your life, too afraid to speak up.

6. The Private Putdown Pas de Deux: Behind closed doors, you accept criticism and insults, believing you deserve them.

7. The Ventriloquist Variation: In public, you let others speak for you, your own voice becoming a distant memory.

Recognize any of these moves? I sure do. I've danced them all and more, believing they were the only choreography available to me.

The Prima Ballerina's Prison

I found myself trapped in this gilded cage, halfway across the world from everything I knew. "I had expressed before we got married that I was going to continue dancing, But after we moved, I discovered there were no ballet companies where he'd promised there would be."

The response from him? "Oh, well, if you want to keep dancing, you can go back to the States, but I won't support you."

In that moment, the trap snapped shut. "I realized I was powerless and trapped. And so I tried to make it work. And I did for about 20 years, trying and fighting against what I knew was killing my soul."

This is the fawn response in its final, most devastating form. As fawns we become so good at pleasing others that we forget how to please ourselves. We're only a supporting role, not an equal lead, and we've lost the ability to write our own script.

Staging the Rebellion

But here's the secret they don't tell you in ballet school: the most breathtaking performances often come when we break the rules.

Our rebellion starts in the mind. It's a thought revolution, a mental mutiny against the negative self-talk that's been our constant companion.

"My go-to negative thought that likes to pop up is that I'm not worthy." Here's my simple strategy.  So when I hear that or something similar crop up, I say to myself, "wait a second, that's simply not true. That was an old thought, it has no proof in today's world. It never had any proof actually, because I am worthy."

This is the first step in our rebel's routine: questioning the choreography we've been following blindly for so long.

The Rebel's Repertoire

Ready to join the rebellion? Here's how we start rewriting the script:

1. Feel, Don't Think: "Put logic aside for a moment and feel what it is that you're feeling," Here's why this works. Your body knows the truth before your mind catches up.

2. Embrace the Fear: Fear of abandonment is the chain that keeps us bound. Recognize it, face it, dance with it. It loses its power when you shine a spotlight on it.

3. Collect Evidence of your Worth: Create your own "worthiness evidence collection system." Celebrate small victories, accept compliments, surround yourself with people who value you.

4. Rediscover Joy: Remember what brought you joy as a child. That unencumbered, pure happiness? It's still in you, waiting for an encore.

5. Daydream Deliberately: Visualize your dreams so vividly you can feel them. "There's an amazing thing that happens when we step into that moment. Your new life will actually start happening."

The Leap to Freedom

As we practice these rebel moves, something magical happens. We start to reclaim our power, rediscover our value, and reconnect with joy. It's not an overnight transformation - just like in ballet training, there's no two-day delivery of perfect technique.

All of those caustic things that have been told to you over the years have been tucked away and they just keep playing.  They are continually and subconsciously showing up now in this fawn survival response. And they are dictating your life.  Once I realized that, literally everything began to change for the waaay better. I discovered the power that I actually have, and that is immeasurable.

This is the heart of our rebellion: realizing that we have the power to rewrite our own stories, to choreograph our own lives.

The Standing Ovation

As a rebel fawn and professional ballerina, I'm here to tell you: the most beautiful dance is the one where you compose and dance to your own music. It might not be perfect, it might not please everyone, but it will be authentically, fantastically you!

So, are you ready to join our rebellion? To trade in your tattered and worn fawn costume for the bold attire of a rebel?  I'm The Rebel Ballerina, and I wanna know, who are you?  It's time to step out of the wings and shadows of others' expectations and onto the wide-open stage of your own life!

Remember, every great performance starts with a single step. Your rebellion begins now. Take that step, the floor is yours, and this time, you're the director.

Welcome to the company, rebel fawn! It's time to let go of your fears, learn new steps and show the world your true choreography.